Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
