when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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