you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.