If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
