dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
