Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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