You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
