You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
