I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
