it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
