it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Two words: blizzard sex
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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