I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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