You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
