Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
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