sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
