I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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