How'd it feel making her break her religion?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You have to summon your inner elephant
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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