So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
