You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
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I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
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Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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