So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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