if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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