it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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