How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
