barbara walters just said penis...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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