Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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