? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
