Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
