I love black thongs
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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