I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
