Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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