Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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