On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
