My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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