i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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