Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
