he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
