Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
