there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
