So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
