i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
