I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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