I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just forgot I was standing up.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
