He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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