Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
