my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
