I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I DEMAND FORESKIN
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
