Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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