Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
