You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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