I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
