I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
