I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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