There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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