I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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