you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize