Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
