i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
