not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
