I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
