I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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