So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
