you're like a bully in the Christmas story
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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