im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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