My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
