Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I think people are normalizing furries
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
