I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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