eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
