this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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