Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I wish you could order shots online.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize