you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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