mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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