Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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