I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
