but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
