He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
